There's something about Malcolm Reynolds
by yesimadramaqueen
Summary: Inara, River, Kaylee, and even Zoe start to fall for our favorite Firefly captain. Is it because he's so amazing? Or is something more at play?
1. Coats

"This will be quick. In and out, like you like it…" Mal explained. Inara gave him a classic Inara look. "That wasn't some sex joke. I swear!" he cried.

"I never said it was. I haven't had business in a very long time. I need to make a living too, Mal!" she snapped.

"I ain't exactly stoppin' you. It's not like I'm holdin' you captive here!" he argued.

"My shuttle can only go so far," she said, her patience slowly wearing thin.

"Same with this boat if we don't got money. No jobs. No money. Nothin' keepin' us going," Mal replied. He enjoyed their bantering more than he should have. Something about it made him smile.

"What are you smiling about?" Inara asked, quickly bringing him back into the moment.

"Money makes me smile. Don't it you?" he asked with a wider smile. She sighed. "What?" he asked.

"You and your jobs and your money! That's all you care about. Petty thief," she exclaimed as she got right in his face. He smiled at her. "WHAT?" she snapped.

"You get testy when you haven't gotten any," he grinned. She shoved him. He laughed and dusted off his shoulder. "Come on! I _know _you can push me harder than that…" he teased. She groaned and started to walk away. "Why you leavin' so soon?" he called after her. She turned around and stomped on his foot. "OUCH!" he cried. She smiled.

"Was that better?" she asked sweetly. He looked at her angrily. "I'll take that as a yes," she smiled and floated away. He smiled and then hobbled towards the common area.

"Jayne, Zoe we set to go?" he asked.

"The Mule's ready to go, sir," Zoe nodded.

"Why you limpin'?" Jayne asked in his usual gruff way.

"That's not important right now. We gotta ship out," Mal responded. He put on his long brown coat and limped away with Zoe and Jayne.

"Why do you think he's all limpin' and stuff?" Jayne whispered to Zoe. Mal overheard Jayne's not-so-quiet question.

"If you must know, it was 'cause of Inara…" Mal snapped. Zoe laughed and Jayne's mouth dropped. Zoe stopped laughing after Mal shot her a look.

"Sorry sir. What'd you do this time?" Zoe asked.

"What makes you think…"

"Sir," Zoe said sternly with her classic poker face.

"I kinda _maybe _provoked her," Mal shrugged as they set out for their rendezvous. Jayne and Zoe laughed. "I'm glad you find this so gorramn funny, 'cause I sure as hell ain't laughin'! My foot hurts!" he cried.

"Right, sorry…" Zoe smirked.

"'Nara attackin' you? If that ain't the funniest damn thing I ever heard, it's gorramn close!" Jayne exclaimed. He got Zoe laughing again.

"Yeah, yeah. Laugh. I'm the one drivin' this thing," Mal snapped. Zoe and Jayne finally got themselves under control right before they got to the small town where their meeting was being held. They had a shipment of coats to smuggle to a nearby world. The money was pretty good, and at least it wasn't bobble head dolls this time.

"You Malcolm Reynolds?" a strange looking man inquired.

"Yes. You Louie?" Mal asked.

"Yes. Come in, come in!" Louie opened the door and led them to a few large crates. "These are the finest coats in all of the 'verse!" he proclaimed loudly.

"That's all fine and shiny. Where's the first half of our payment?" Mal asked. Louie handed him a heavy bag with a toothless grin. "Thanks. We'll be on our merry," Mal tossed the bag to Zoe. Jayne took the first crate out along with Zoe. Mal went for the next crate. Louie stopped him.

"Be careful with this crate. There are the _special _coats. Very expensive," Louie warned.

"No worries. We aren't exactly new to this sort of thing," Mal said with a reassuring half smile. Louie nodded. They loaded up the crates and went back home to Serenity. "That was nice 'n easy money, eh?" Mal asked happily.

"A little too easy," Jayne said, his grip tightening on his gun.

"Paranoid much?" Zoe asked. Jayne snarled. "I'm going to go get something to eat. Wanna come?" Zoe asked.

"Sure," Mal sighed as he tossed his coat aside.

"I'll be 'long in a minute," Jayne replied. Mal nodded, and then he and Zoe went to get something to eat. Jayne lifted the lid off of one of the crates. He picked up a coat that looked surprisingly similar to Mal's coat. "What's so gorramn special 'bout this old thing?" he growled. He tossed it aside and then left to go join Mal and Zoe.

Inara emerged from her shuttle. She noticed the mess down below. "Men…" she muttered. She walked down the steps. "Always leaving their things out everywhere…" she added angrily. She held up the two coats. "Mal…" she growled. She tossed one of the coats, the one she thought wasn't his coat, into the bin and placed the lid back on. She stormed into the galley and tossed the coat onto Mal. "Next time pick up after yourself," Inara spat somewhat playfully. Zoe cracked up. Mal took the coat off of his head and glared at Zoe. Inara walked away, feeling rather satisfied.

"Cap'in?" Kaylee called.

"Yes?" Mal answered. Kaylee appeared covered in grease as always. "If you don't have good news, don't say nothing. I ain't in the mood," Mal added as she opened her mouth to speak. She quickly shut it and frowned. "Oh no…" Mal groaned. "What now?" he asked.

"The air controls ain't workin' too good. The heat's goin' a bit on the fritz. I can fix it, but it's gonna take a day or two…" Kaylee explained.

"This means…?" Mal asked.

"It's gonna get a bit chilly in here," Kaylee frowned.

"I think we can handle a few days without a lot of heat," Zoe commented.

"Um…no heat," Kaylee said quietly.

"No…heat…?" Mal asked. Kaylee shook her head gravely. "That's just gorramn SHINY," Mal shouted sarcastically. He got up and broadcasted a ship wide wave. "Captain speaking. We ain't gonna have any heat for a day or two. Dress warm, 'cause you'll need it..."

"What about no heat?" Simon asked as he entered the room.

"No heat. That's it," Mal explained.

"That's dangerous!" Simon cried.

"Not if we dress all warm and take advantage of body heat," Kaylee said with a flirtatious smile. Simon blushed slightly.

"Shouldn't you be workin' on this problem?" Mal asked.

"Right. Right…" Kaylee nodded and quickly scurried away to the engine room.

"I'm worried about River. She's so small…" Simon trailed off.

"When ain't ya worried 'bout her?" Jayne asked. Simon and Mal ignored his comment.

"Don't worry. I won't let anythin' happen to anyone on this boat," Mal said seriously. Simon nodded and then went back to wherever he came from.

"Why you bein' so kind to 'em?" Jayne asked.

"They're a part of my crew whether you like it or not," Mal snapped. Jayne scowled and turned his attention back to his protein. "Stay warm. I'm gonna put away our shipment," Mal said. He put on the coat and started walking towards the cargo hold. The coat was a little stiffer than usual, but he figured that it was all in his imagination. It wasn't. Things on the ship were about to get _very _interesting…


	2. Things get interesting

After putting up the crates in a few secret smuggling nooks, Mal wandered back towards the common area. He ran into Inara. She looked him over carefully. "What you lookin' at?" Mal asked.

"I don't know. Are you…did you…never mind," she rambled. She looked at him again and walked past him. She stopped and turned around. She looked at him again with a look in her eye.

"Are you…checking me out?" Mal asked.

"What? No! No! I…_**no**_!" she blushed and then quickly left. He walked away, slightly confounded.

"Kaylee! How's it comin'?" Mal asked. She appeared from under the engine.

"Same as last time I told ya, Cap'in. You haveta let me…" she looked at him and dropped her wrench. "…work…"

"You too? What's so…about me?" Mal asked.

"I…dunno…say…can you hand me that wrench? It's right there," she pointed towards her hammock.

"I don't see no…" he turned towards the hammock. She stood only a few inches away from him. "Wrench…" he finished. "Um Kaylee…what are you doin'?" he asked.

"My bad, it's right behind ya. Let me get it," she leaned against him and retrieved the wrench. "Say, it's gettin' a bit cold in here. Ya know body warmth helps…" she said with a wink.

"You're kiddin' right?" Mal asked.

"Kiddin' 'bout what?" Kaylee asked as she stepped closer to him. He took a step back.

"Yeah…um…I'll be…yeah," Mal quickly left and ran into Shepherd.

"By the look on your face I'd say you've seen a ghost," Shepherd commented.

"What's wrong with me?" Mal asked.

"Where to begin…" Shepherd joked.

"First Inara stares me down. Now Kaylee's actin' all weird…" Mal explained.

"By weird you mean…?" Shepherd asked.

"Comin' onto me!" Mal cried. Shepherd's eyebrows rose slightly. "I know!" he exclaimed.

"I'm sure it's nothing," Shepherd replied.

"Yeah…yeah," Mal agreed half heartedly.

They all met for dinner. Mal sat down at the head of the table like he usually did. Inara rushed to sit on one side of Mal, while Kaylee and River fought over the other side. Kaylee shoved River aside. "We got bread," Jayne announced. He sat down at the other end of the table with the bread basket.

"Could someone pass the bread?" Mal asked.

"I will!" Inara said.

"I got it!" Kaylee cried. She reached for the basket at the same time that Inara did. They each got one side of the basket and a war began. Kaylee pulled it one way while Inara pulled it the other. Everyone else watched in astonishment.

"Let me pass the man some bread!" Inara snapped.

"Let me!" Kaylee growled. The basket went flying through the air along with the bread. River caught the basket and easy caught all of the pieces of bread with it. She walked over to Mal and handed him the basket with a smile.

"Thanks…" Mal said quietly.

"Your welcome," River beamed. She stuck her tongue out at Kaylee and Inara. She sat down proudly. They started to eat. Kaylee kept staring at him and smiling. He felt someone's foot, most definitely Inara's, rubbing up and down his leg. It was making him very uncomfortable. Not as uncomfortable as when he felt Kaylee's combat boot running up and down his leg though. River also kept gazing at him, but she was too far away to do anything. It started getting colder as the meal went on. Inara had to be cold. She was barely wearing anything.

"Aren't you cold in that outfit?" Zoe asked.

"Not at all. Companions are trained to warm up rather quickly and stay hot for a very, _very _long time…" Inara replied as she looked at Mal. He almost choked on his bread. She winked at him.

"This is…am I missing something?" Wash asked.

"I am apparently," Mal responded, his gaze shifting between Kaylee and Inara. They didn't answer. An awkward silence fell over the room. Inara put her hand on top of Mal's hand. His eyes traveled from his hand, up her arm, to her face, and into her eyes. He quickly moved his hand away. "It's my turn to clean up right?" Mal asked.

"No, I thought it was my…" Wash started. He saw the look of desperation on his face. "No, no…it's _your _turn," Wash finished.

"I'll get on this then," Mal said desperately wanting to get away from the table. He grabbed a few plates and started going for the sink.

"Let me help you with that," Inara said, standing up and taking one of the plates.

"I got it," Mal snapped.

"You seein' what I'm seein'?" Jayne asked Wash. Wash replied with something in Chinese that clearly stated, "Oh yeah."

After arguing for a few minutes, Inara helped Mal clear the table rather provocatively. Kaylee watched in an angry silence. "Thanks for the help," Mal said awkwardly.

"No problem," Inara said flirtatiously. She ran her finger down his face. He swallowed hard.

"I have to go," Mal stuttered. He skipped over climbing down the ladder and just leapt down into his bunk. It was getting colder by the minute. He wrapped his sheets and a blanket around himself and sat on his bed. He didn't even get a few minutes peace before someone started coming down the ladder. "Hey Cap'in," Kaylee beamed. He was relieved that it wasn't Inara. Kaylee he could resist. He didn't trust himself around Inara. "It's getting cold. I wanted to show you somethin' in the engine room. It's warmest in there anyways," Kaylee said as innocently as she could.

"I…uh…" he muttered.

"Please Cap'in? Just real quick like?" Kaylee pleaded. He sighed.

"Real fast," he replied sternly. She smiled and went up the ladder. He followed. They walked down to the engine room.

"Go take a gander at the engine," she suggested. He timidly walked over to the engine. He heard the door shut. He turned around. Kaylee had shut and locked the door. She smiled at him. "Now we's _alone_," she said with a giddy chuckle. Now what?


	3. Kaylee

"What do you think you're doin'?" he asked. She strutted over to him. "Kaylee?"

"I got some heat workin'. Enough to keep us alive," she said softly.

"You had to lock me in here to tell me this?"

"No. So I could do this," she shut her eyes and tried to kiss him. He quickly stepped back, causing her to fall forward. He caught her. She smiled and tried to kiss him again and again he moved. This continued until his back was up against the wall. He kept sliding along the wall to avoid her, but that didn't last for long. Her lips met his. He pulled away quickly. His head nailed the wall.

"Ow," he muttered.

"Are you okay?" Kaylee asked worriedly.

"I think so…"

"Let me take a look," she suggested.

"No. Thanks anyways Kaylee." She didn't take no for an answer. She grabbed him by the coat and spun him around to take a look. She ran her hands through his hair at first to take a look, but then she kept doing it. "You can stop now," he said quietly. She stopped and then pushed him back into the wall. "What do you think…" she kissed him again before he could finish his sentence. He put his hands on her shoulders and moved her aside. He ran for the door. She leapt in front of him.

"Not so fast Cap'in!"

"This is _my _boat and I'm orderin' you to let me go!" he snapped.

"You don't wanna go no place…" she giggled as she ran her hand down his chest. He moved her out of the way and tried the door. It wouldn't open. "You ain't goin' no place," she added. He looked at her and then at the door.

"Say, maybe this ain't the best place to…" he began.

"Why not?"

"We can make sparks, but I ain't a fan of these surroundin's. How 'bout your bunk?" he suggested. It was all a part of his master plan. She grinned and went to work on the door. It opened and she grabbed him by the coat. They went to her bunk, marked so perfectly by the lights. "Ladies first," he said with a smile. She kissed him again and then went down the ladder. He quickly shut the door and locked it. He let out a sigh of relief, running his hand through his hair. He looked down at his hand to find engine grease staining his fingers. He wiped his hand off on his pants. He had no idea what was going on. That was beyond weird. He walked over to the sink in the galley. Before he could get cleaned up, he heard someone standing behind him.

"It's getting cold in here," Inara commented.

"Kaylee got some of the heat workin'. Just enough to keep us alive," he replied automatically.

"I think that I can get some more heat going," she said quietly. _Oh no…not Inara…not her…_he thought desperately trying to avoid turning around. He felt her hand on his shoulder. Oh boy, _now _what?


	4. Inara

He reluctantly turned around. Inara had to be wearing the most revealing outfit she owned. She only had on a tiny top that only covered part of her chest and a very see through skirt with open sides. "You can stop drooling now," she smiled as she gently lifted his jaw so his mouth was shut. He looked down at her, his heart pounding in his ears. "Come with me," she said, softly taking his hand.

"Okay..." his eyes hadn't let her. She smiled and started leading him away. He stopped suddenly. "No. No." She looked at him with her big dark eyes. He couldn't. He wouldn't. Oh he wanted to. No. He wouldn't.

"Why not? Don't you find me attractive?" she asked.

"I…yes…but-"

"Then what's the problem?"

"Well I…we…I don't wanna do nothin' to…take advantage or…we just…can't…" he rambled.

"It's not taking advantage. Why would that stop you anyway?" she asked.

"I ain't the shiniest guy, but I can be a gentleman. I don't wanna do nothin' we might regret."

"I won't regret this," she didn't waste any time. She pulled him into a kiss. He kissed her back. Things heated up quickly. She kissed him on the lips working her way down his face and neck. He forgot any apprehension he had. "Come with me," she said in between kisses.

"Anywhere." More kissing.

"Then let's go," she said happily. They started walking again. He stopped.

"Wait. We can't. We won't," he said sternly.

"We've been over this. Don't worry," she grinned as she wrapped her arms around his neck and wrapped her legs around him. She kept kissing him all over. He kissed her back, but then stopped again.

"Inara."

She kissed him.

"Inara."

She kissed him again.

"INARA."

"What?"

"Stop! I said no!" he cried, setting her down gently. "I don't feel like this is real. Kaylee was actin' just like this a few minutes ago. I don't know what's gotten into you girls, but this ain't genuine. Okay?" She looked at him sadly. There was a pause. She grabbed him and kissed him again. "What did I just say?" he snapped.

"I don't care. I want you. I want you _now_," she said as she ran her hand down his face. She started kissing him all over again. He picked her up and carried her to her shuttle. He carefully put her on her bed. "I knew you'd-"

He quickly left the shuttle and locked her in, just like he had to do to Kaylee. "What has gotten into those girls?" he growled. He went to the common area, where River was sketching. "Hey there little one. What are you up to?" she looked up at him and smiled. Something was different about her smile. It had a certain element of lust in it. "Not you too…" he sighed. She got up and walked towards him. Here we go again…


	5. River

"River. Don't come any close-"

She put her arms around his neck, standing on her tiptoes. She leaned in and kissed him.

"…r…"

She smiled and kissed him again, only this time a lot rougher. He tried to avoid kissing her back, but it was hard. Her kisses slowly got gentler. She suddenly shoved him. He fell onto the couch and she got on top of him. She kept kissing him on the lips, cheeks, forehead, neck, basically everywhere that wasn't covered by clothing.

"River, we need to talk about this!"

She ignored him and continued her obsessive kissing.

"I like you, but not like this like you. You're a bit younger and-"

"Shush," she snapped. For some reason, he listened and shut up.

There was something about her that made him kiss back a few times. He kept reminding himself that she was just a teenage girl. He hadn't been a teenager in quite some time. Not to mention her older and very protective brother. Simon would gut him if he knew that he had been making out with River. Well, she was the one making out. He was just…letting her?

She lightly bit his lower lip and then kissed him very hard. This had gone on a little too long. She didn't stop there. She ripped open his button up shirt to the point of ruining a few of the buttons. She kissed his chest, working her way back up to his lips. He said no to Kaylee, no to Inara, and now he had to definitely say no to River. He didn't even know why he had let it go on for so long.

"Okay. Enough," he said. He tried to sit up, but she pushed him back down. "No really. _Enough_!" she ignored him.

She French kissed him and then tugged harshly on his hair, ending with pulling on his lip with her teeth.

"OW!" he cried. Her lips met his once again, only this time she was gentle and they lingered there. "Weah nee to staup!" They lips parted. "We need to stop. No, _you _need to stop!"

He picked her up. She started kissing the nape of his neck, raising goose bumps all over his body. He put her down. She instantly pushed him into the wall and tried to go for another kiss somewhere, anywhere on him. He avoided her lips this time, but only barely. She started to get rougher than he would have liked. He slipped past her. She followed him. He got into the medical room. He raided Simon's bag to find something just strong enough to knock her out. He found the one that he saw Simon use before and quickly got a tiny amount. He went over to River, pulling her into a passionate kiss. He gave her the meds. Shortly after that she lost consciousness in his arms. He carried her into her room, put her on her bed, and covered her up with a blanket. He shut the door behind him and collapsed on the couch.

"What's wrong sir?" Zoe asked as she joined him the couch.

"The women on this boat are actin' strange! Kaylee locked me in the engine room with her, Inara tried to get me into her shuttle, and River made out with me!" Zoe stared at him without replying. "Zoe?" She just kept staring at him. Surely Zoe wouldn't act like the other women on the ship. Would she?


	6. ZOE?

She moved closer to him on the couch. He moved away. She moved closer. He moved away. Eventually he ran out of couch to move to. She sat right next to him, hip to hip. She placed her hand on his leg. He moved it off. She put it back. He moved it off. She put it back. "Woman! You're _married_!"

"Not if you don't want me to be," she replied.

"I'm sorry but WHAT?" he cried.

"You know what I'm sayin' I think," she said with a wink. He leapt up. "What's wrong sir?"

"What's wrong? WHAT'S WRONG? Every gorramn woman on this ship has come onto me tonight including you!"

"You should be flattered," Zoe responded in her usual cool fashion.

"Creeped out is a better word for it," he snapped.

"You look tense…" Zoe got up and stood behind Mal. He was extremely jumpy. He leapt as her hands rested on his shoulders, almost as if she had stabbed him instead of touched him. She started massaging his shoulders. He let it go on for maybe all of two seconds before turning around to face her.

"Zoe,"

"Mal,"

"No. Just no. I ain't lettin' you anywhere near me. You ain't cheatin' on Wash with me or anyone else if I can help it. I can help this. Now go be with you HUSBAND!"

"I want to be _right _here. With you," she said, getting closer to him. She shut her eyes and moved in for a kiss. He jumped back, tripped over the table, and hit his head on the arm of the couch. That was twice he that hit his head. "Are you okay?" she exclaimed as she rushed to his side.

"Gorramn SHINY," he growled. She helped him up and then rubbed his head tenderly. He flipped out and lost his balance again. This time he caught himself on the wall, wrenching his shoulder.

"Are you hurt? Let me take a look-"

"No! Thank you. I'm just goin' to go in there…" he pointed to the medical room. He darted into the room and shut the door, locking it from the inside. Now he could get some rest. He fell asleep eventually. A gentle tapping woke him from his deep sleep. Hopefully it wouldn't be one of the girls. If it was, he didn't know how much more his body or his lips could take!


	7. Punch

He ignored the noise, pretending to still be asleep. After awhile it went away, only to return a few minutes later. He opened one eye slowly. Simon, Wash, Jayne, and Shepherd were all peering into the glass room like Mal was a lap rat in a cage. He got up reluctantly and let them in.

"What happened to you?" Simon asked.

"I hit my head not once, but twice and I think I dislocated my shoulder…" Mal sighed. Simon sat him down and examined him.

"No concussion, but your arm is out. This will be a bit uncomfortable," he pulled on Mal's arm. There was a pop and a bit of pain, but it felt better after that.

"Thanks doc," Mal muttered. All of the other men stared at him waiting for his explanation.

"Well?" Jayne asked.

"Well what?" Mal responded.

"What happen'd?" Jayne cried.

"I'll tell you after I get somethin' to eat. I'm exhausted and hungry," Mal got up and walked towards the galley. Everyone followed. "Where's Zoe?" he inquired casually.

"Sleeping. It's still early," Wash responded with a loud yawn.

"What are y'all doin' up then?" Mal asked.

"I had a headache and needed some medicine. I found you. You weren't moving, so I called in some back up…" Simon explained. Mal nodded while he downed a tall glass of water.

"These women have lost their minds!" Mal said loudly the second he set the glass on the table. Shepherd looked Mal over carefully.

"Where'd this lipstick come from?" he asked with a smile as he pointed at his neck.

"Inara's the only one that wears lipstick," Wash said with a sly smile.

"So she's the one that did the rest to you?" Simon asked.

"Did what?" Mal asked.

"Mal, you're a wreck! Your shirt is ripped open and missing buttons, you have a swollen bottom lip from biting probably, lipstick all over you, messed up hair. Spells rough sex to me," Wash laughed.

"No, it wasn't all Inara…" Mal trailed off.

"Please. We all know how you two feel. So what, you're horny. She's horny. You get together. One thing leads to another. Kissing, biting, ripping of shirts, messing up of hair. You must have been all over that shuttle to have done that to your arm!" Wash cried.

"She isn't the one that led to my arm!" Mal cried.

"Who was?" Simon asked.

"I…don't wanna say…"

"MAL!" they all cried.

"I'll get punched!" Mal argued.

"Out with it! I wanna know this juicy piece of information. I don't wanna drag my butt out of bed this early unless I get the full scoop!" Wash exclaimed.

"ZOE!" Mal shouted. The room fell silent and all eyes were on Wash. Wash said something very unpleasant in Chinese and punched Mal. He kept swearing in Chinese as he went for the second punch. Jayne grabbed Wash and Simon helped Mal up. "Told you I'd get punched," Mal growled as he wiped blood away from his nose.

"LIAR! MY WIFE WOULDN'T DO THAT!" Wash spat.

"I know! Nothing happened! She was gettin' a little too close for comfort and I'd never do that to you! I leapt back and caught myself with my arm. That was the most innocent encounter all night!" Mal shouted back. Wash pushed Jayne away and sat down.

"Are you sure that she was comin' onto ya?" Jayne asked.

"Yes."

"Why don't you just tell us everything that happened?" Shepherd suggested.

"Fine. I was in my bunk. Kaylee came down and told me she wanted to show me somethin' in the engine room. So I go, and she locks me in!"

"Locked you in?" Jayne asked in astonishment.

"With her in there with me! I tried to 'void her as much as I could, but it didn't last long…" he trailed off.

"What did she do?" Simon asked.

"Well…anyways. I pretended like I was okay with it, so we went to her bunk and I locked her in…" he continued.

"Locked her in?" Simon shouted angrily.

"Yes. Then I came in here to wash up and then _she _was there,"

"Zoe," Shepherd nodded.

"No. Inara. She was barely wearin' anything. All persistent and lookin' all amazin'. I almost caved, but I stood my ground. I locked her in her shuttle and went to the common area. Then _she _was there…"

"Zoe," Simon nodded.

"No. River. Things were so bad with her, I had to give her some of that stuff in the blue bottle that you sometimes give her to sleep better. Then I sit down and she sits with me…"

"ZOE!" everyone shouted.

"Yes, Zoe. I hit my head and pulled my arm out. I went into the medical room and locked myself in. That was the only time I could get any peace with these girls!"

"What's in your hair?" Jayne asked suddenly.

"Engine grease probably," Mal responded with a sigh. Simon walked over to Mal and punched him hard enough to make his chair fall over with him in it. Jayne had to hold him back.

"What was that for?" Mal cried as he held his bleeding nose.

"My sister _**and **_Kaylee? What did you do with them? What did you do?" Simon bellowed.

"Calm down doc!" Jayne shouted.

"I didn't start nothin'! They're the ones that came onto me!" Mal yelled back.

"I want to know what you did with them!" Simon spat.

"And my wife!" Wash added as he stood beside Simon.

"Fine! Fine! Kaylee kissed me two or three times before I locked her up. River's the one that ripped my shirt and bit my lip. She kissed me more times than I could count. As for me and Zoe, nothin' happened like I said. Okay?" Mal snapped.

"Did you kiss Kaylee back?" Simon asked.

"Once maybe," Mal said, losing hostility in his voice.

"River?" Simon asked, also calming down. Mal didn't respond, but it was obvious that he had. "You stopped things with them before anything else happened?"

"Yeah," Mal nodded.

"Could something have happened with either one of them?" Simon asked.

"Nothin' would have happened with me and Kaylee. I love her to death, but she's like a little sister to me…" Mal replied.

"River?" Simon asked.

"If I hadn't stopped it, she wouldn't of…"

Simon nodded and then punched Mal again. Mal wasn't going to take this lying down. He grabbed Simon's perfect vest and got ready to punch him. The two were separated. "What was the second punch for?" Wash asked Simon. He ignored the question and looked at Mal.

"You just made out with my sister and you don't care about her at all. You're going to hurt her!"

"I do care 'bout her, just not like that. She's the one that started it!" Mal snapped.

"How long did it take you to finish it by DRUGGING HER? You could have killed her if you used the wrong dose!"

"I was careful 'bout that! And it don't matter how long it took," Mal trailed off. Wash and Jayne exchanged looks. It had apparently been a decent amount of time.

"Yes it does!" Simon responded.

"It was...longer than it should have been…"

"You stupid son of a-"

"Calm down! Everyone!" Wash cried. Simon glared at him, but listened.

"And what about Kaylee? How long did that go on? How'd that engine grease get in your hair?" Simon asked.

"Things weren't as long with Kaylee. And I hit my head. She looked at it to make sure it was okay by movin' my hair 'round. Okay?" Mal was growing tired off all the stupid questions.  
"So Kaylee isn't good enough for you?" Simon growled. Mal wouldn't win no matter what he said. Simon was into Kaylee. If he said she was, Simon would start a fight over her. If he said she wasn't, Simon would start a fight over her. Luckily Shepherd bailed him out.

"Maybe we should be thinking more about why this is happening that what has happened," Shepherd said calmly.

"Yeah," Jayne agreed. He was tired of playing bouncer.

"All the women on this boat are goin' crazy over me. There has to be somethin' that's gone wrong!" Mal began. Everyone agreed.

"Well could it be that you're just…alluring to them?" Shepherd asked. Jayne and Wash laughed.

"Hey! I'm not _that _revoltin'…am I?" Mal asked.

"You're a very attractive male, I assure you…" Shepherd said with a faint smile.

"Maybe there's somethin' in the food or air!" Jayne suggested.

"I actually agree with Jayne on something for once," Simon sighed.

"Then wouldn't we all be crazy for Mal…or each other? How could it be just for one person?" Wash asked.

"True. Maybe it's something he ate that makes females go crazy?" Simon suggested.

"I ate everythin' you guys ate," Mal shrugged.

"What has changed in the last day or so?" Shepherd asked.

"We got that shipment," Wash commented.

"True. How does that mess with me though?" Mal asked.

"You've been wearing that coat since Inara gave it to you. Aren't we transporting coats?" Simon asked.

"Yeah, but this is _my _coat!" Mal argued.

"Well…" Jayne trailed off remembering how he tossed the coat beside Mal's back in the cargo hold.

"Jayne…what did you do?" Mal asked.

"I was curious and all! So I took a coat outta the crate. It looked borin' so I tossed it aside and walked away," Jayne explained.

"Inara told me to stop leavin' my stuff out. I bet she saw the mess and bein' the lady that she is she cleaned up!" Mal cried.

"Which means that…" Wash began.

"This ain't my coat! My coat's in the crate! That Louie told me there were some special coats…I didn't ask what they were…" Mal said. He quickly took off the coat and rushed to the cargo hold with the others following closely behind him. "Wash, get me a girl. I have to find my coat!"

Wash returned with Kaylee. "Which crate was it Jayne?" Mal asked.

"I ain't sure. You put 'em up!" he cried.

"It's gonna be a long day," Mal sighed. Four crates of coats, one coat in particular. They discovered that two of the crates contained bright colored coats. Jayne put one on. Kaylee didn't respond, even after ten or so minutes. The other two crates had the dark colored coats. They just needed to find Mal's, so only the brown coats had to be tried on. A few hours in, Kaylee was still hitting on him every time he had on a coat. She returned to normal after the coat was off. He slipped on one coat. It felt right. He turned towards Kaylee. She looked at him carefully.

"Nope. I don't feel like I did before," she said with a sigh.

"My coat! I found it!" Mal said happily. Jayne had fallen asleep, Wash was bored out of his mind, Simon was still pouting, and Shepherd was reading. They all acknowledged him lethargically. Wash left and so did Shepherd after patting Mal on the back.

"Say, can I have one of these? When we're on some planet…" Jayne asked with a wink.

"No," Mal snapped.

"Fine," Jayne snarled. He left shortly after that.

"I'm sorry 'bout that Cap'in," Kaylee said quietly.

"No worries. It was the coat," Mal smiled. She smiled back and then left to work on the engine. Simon got up and walked over to Mal.

"Sorry about that punching," he muttered.

"It's okay."

"How long is longer than it should have been?" Simon asked.

"Drop it."

"That long?"

"I said drop it."


	8. He wanted to

The shuttle doors opened. Inara was peacefully sleeping. He liked to watch her sleep, even if it did seem like a creepy thing to do. She stirred slightly. He smiled and then turned around. "Mal?" she yawned. He turned back around.

"Mornin'."

"The last thing I remember is the shuttle door shutting and locking. Did you lock me in here?"

"Maybe…"

"Why'd you lock me in my own shuttle?" she shouted.

"Well, you weren't about to let me walk away…"

"I guess not. I don't…something is different. What changed?"

"It was the coat. Jayne left a special coat out, and it was so gorramn special, and it got mixed up with my coat. The coat made you ladies wild for me," he said with a wink. Inara rolled her eyes. "Everything is back to normal now."

"What happened to you? Did I do all of that? I don't really remember much…"

"Actually most of this was River."

"River?"

"Yes."

"Wow."

"Simon wasn't too happy about that. He punched me more than once!"

"What happened between you two?" she asked casually, although the thought of Mal and anyone else made her blood boil.

"She's the one that ripped the shirt and gave me the swollen lip."

"Steamy I take it," she said as her heart sank.

"She bit me!"

Inara laughed.

"It's not funny."

"Of course it is!"

"I'll be passed out in my bunk if you need anythin'," he turned to leave.

"Mal…what exactly did I do? I remember a few things, but not a lot…"

"Nothin' happened other than some kissing," he said quietly.

"I remember that you kissed me back."

He smiled. He wasn't about to tell her that he kissed River back and maybe Kaylee. He'd let her believe whatever she wanted to. Maybe this could lead to something more?

"Why didn't you take advantage of the situation?" she asked. She was so attracted to him. In her dreams things between them always led to…well, you know.

"I ain't the kind of guy that takes advantage of a lady, even if I want to. And 'specially if the lady is you. I best be gettin' to my bunk. It was a crazy night."

He wanted to? HE WANTED TO!

"Right. Sorry about-"

"Don't be. I'm not."

She smiled. He smiled back and then left the shuttle. She was practically giddy. HE WANTED TO _AND _HE WASN'T SORRY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED!

He was walking down the hall when he ran into Zoe.

"Sir. About what happened-"

"It's okay."

She nodded and met up with Wash. They walked away with their arms around each other. At least he had prevented anything from happening. But things with River-

"I know what you're thinking," River announced from behind him. He was startled. "It was my fault. I'm sorry."

"No, no. It was the coat. Not your fault darlin'," he said with a reassuring smile.

"Sorry about your lip…and your shirt…"

"I have other shirts. I found the bite very original and rather charming. Don't worry about it," he started walking away, but suddenly stopped. "And if Inara asks-"

"You didn't kiss me back. I know."

"Thanks."

He walked away and vanished into his bunk. She watched with a heavy sigh.

"But you did…"

**The end**

_A/N:_

_Expect a part two! This is a starting point for another fan fic. There's lots more to come for my Firefly fan fiction!!! _

_And thanks for reading! Much love!_


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